As an adoptee, I am always so grateful to find adoptive parents for whom adoption wasn't the 500th option, after exhausting every scientific possibility known to humankind. For some parents (I know, a teeny percentage) it may have even been their FIRST choice. Imagine that! I can understand parents who want to experience pregnancy and give birth to a child; I did it myself. (But for me, oddly, it was adoption that was my first choice, and I had two "accidental" pregnancies while waiting to adopt, and so the adoption never happened)

We lost a pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia and for a while after that I belonged to a bereavement group for parents who had lost infants or pregnancies. It was so upsetting to be there among women who had had double-digit miscarriages, who were obviously psychologically WRECKED, and still would not even consider adoption. It really hurt. I didn't stay in the group for long because I couldn't take those "bio-or-die" people.

Looking back, I should have researched more before agreeing to take fertility drugs. By taking Clomid for a few months as perscribed by my ob/gyn - before we had done any testing with an RE - we drastically reduced our options when we moved on to a fertility specialist.

I think that part of what helped us move on in a good emotional state was the fact that we had always planned on adopting even if we were able to have bio children. For us, adopting was never "plan B" it was just a different plan.

My husband and I did not pursue much in the way of medical intervention for our fertility issues, especially compared to other couples that we know. I have often received blank looks and questions from those that could not understand why we chose adoption so quickly. It was almost like I was not infertile enough because I did not have the laundry list of treatments on my resume for motherhood.

For us, the choice came down to the drugs along with the emotional ups and downs without any guarantees. I did not even tolerate Clomid well (actually had a terrible time on it), how would all the stronger fertility drugs effect me?

My husband was adopted himself so it was easier for him to make the decision. For me, I struggled with it. I wanted to be pregnant so bad- I was the little girl that walked around with a pillow under my shirt looking at myself in the mirror. As another poster mentioned, it's not that I want other kids/bio-kids, it's that I would have liked to carry my adopted kids and had the experience of bringing them into this world with my husband by my side.

I am amazed at couples who have been through multiple AI, or a couple of IVF rounds or even both, and still won't consider adoption. At some point you've got to say that nature is not on your side. Just because you can medically do something, does not mean you should do it.

We have had friends say to us, "But I want to have my own kids". I don't understand why the bio thing is so strong.