I remind myself of the things living and breathing around me and that they are good. And I remind myself of something my mother told me, which she had recently learned from her rabbi. He told her that in Jewish tradition, the cultural tradition of my family, it is discouraged for a woman who has had miscarriages to think of her children's lives as being shortened by death. In fact, he added, a woman who has lost a child in pregnancy is considered to be extrememly wise. For inside of herself she has contained the very circle of life.

Wow. Instead of being weird, an outcast, or unnatural, the woman who miscarries is considered wise. This is a concept that I can get on board with! After reading this, I am planning on looking more in depth about how Jewish tradition takes women who miscarry into consideration. As always, I have a lot to learn about other's ways of handling certain situations, and I am happy to learn.

I am close friends with the woman who was my pastor at the time of my miscarriages. I was comforted with cards from the congregation and the staff, once I decided to come forth with the telling of the pregnancy and the miscarriage. Of course, I prayed like I had never prayed before. It isn't like I had any large revelations or anything, but prayer made me feel like I was actively participating in the process, instead of having it be something just happening to me. The comfort was not in the answers that I got, the comfort was in the routine of prayer.

Also the fact that the children that I lost during that time would be viewed as having a full life is actually comforting. Although there were many things that my lost children and I didn't experience together, we did have experiences and their lives changed my life. Although they were never born shouldn't take away from that.