Limit your participation in family celebrations. If your family's holiday traditions include children opening presents, you may want to come at the end of the gift opening, or skip it altogether. If you are feeling particularly depleted or vulnerable, there is nothing wrong with giving yourself permission to protect and take care of yourself. It is OK to say, "No, we really can't make it this year." If you want to limit the time and exposure to potential inquisitions from others, go for dessert but skip dinner.
Give yourself protective space. If you plan to travel to spend the holidays with your family, consider staying in a hotel or with friends rather than with your parents or siblings in a home where all activities will focus on the needs and interests of children.
Consider some degree of openness about your infertility. If you think you might be ready to share your experiences with family members, this could be the right time. You might speak to one or two members ahead of time, and let them spread the word, or you can simply answer probing questions honestly. You may even want to explain to family and friends that you may leave early, come late or go for a walk if things become too overwhelming.
Set personal boundaries. Anticipate the questions that you will be asked and come up with one or two standard answers that you can provide family members that will hopefully make it clear that you do not wish to discuss the topic. For example, when someone asks, "When are you going to have children?" You can respond, "We're working on it," or "When there is news to share you will know."
Create new and personal rituals. Consider establishing a personal and private ritual or tradition that enhances your relationship and allows you to give to each other. It can be a special present, dinner at a restaurant inappropriate for children, a night with childless or single friends, a weekend at a romantic inn or an island resort or simply a romantic night at home for just the two of you. Plan things that you can look forward to, and do things that you won't be able to do when you have a small child.
Do something nice for someone else. Sometimes helping others can help you forget about your own troubles for a while and create a new ritual for the holiday season. Volunteer in a soup kitchen or shelter, take cookies to a nursing home, buy presents for a child whose holiday would otherwise be bleak or invite a lonely neighbor for your holiday meal.
Use communication and empathy. Don't lock your feelings inside. Share with your partner how these holidays are affecting you. Together you can make it through. Try to begin with understanding your partner's feelings. You don't have to agree with your partner, but see if you can put yourself in his/her shoes. Then, see if you can find ways to compromise so that both of you can fulfill your holiday desires.
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