I'm wondering if I'm in the majority on this? Before I knew that I wanted kids, I used to be addicted to the TLC show "A Baby Story". It was so precious and fairy tale like that I would get sucked in and spend so much time watching and enjoying it. I even remember taping episodes as well. The feel good aspect of the show was addictive.

Enter infertility. And pregnancy. And new mommyhood.

I despised this show with such a vengance while I couldn't conceive and miscarried. I would try to watch from time to time and was so upset with watching that I hated myself afterwards. And it brought out such undesirable rage in me that I wondered if I was an evil, jealous person. The feel good feelings that I used to have were replaced with genuine desire to watch others suffer. I would sit there wishing that the epidural wouldn't take so I could watch these women be in physical pain, not unlike the emotional pain that I had been feeling.

During pregnancy I wouldn't watch because I had been so tainted on the effortlessness of the conceptions and pregnancies that I couldn't relate. I didn't have the fairy tale and I was outraged. Why weren't there women like me on the show? Talking about the worry and fear, counting the times that the baby moved, and if she didn't, the absolute knowing that your baby had died? I didn't think about the nursery like these other moms. I didn't shop like these other moms. Once again, I felt the freak.

Trying again after birth, I was still angry. The moms and dads and babies all looked so cute. And together. And rich! Where was the postpartum talk. The talk of absolutely not being able to sleep? How you wished that not one more person would come to visit? Where were the piles of laundry that overtook my home? The spit up and big potty all over mommy's maternity shirt that she was still wearing? Yes, as you can tell, I needed some meds to let a show make me feel so down.

So what about now? Ivy is 3, and we adopted Bec. How would I feel about the show today?