helping someone after a miscarriage

Seven helpful things to say

"I'm so sorry about your Miscarriage." These simple words mean a lot, especially if you allow the Mum or Dad to talk further, or not to talk, as they wish.

"I know how much you wanted that baby." Here you are simply acknowledging that something precious has been lost, and opening a door to talk more.

"It's okay to cry." - this can sound like Hollywood but it's reassuring for the Mum or Dad to know they are not being judged for their tears and sadness.

"Can I call you back next week to see how you are doing?" Often people are sympathetic the first time, then never mention... more

More from www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz

helping someone after a miscarriage

Don'ts

Don't ignore her because you feel helpless or uncomfortable with grief - she will wonder if what happened to her means nothing to you.

Don't think that miscarriage is easier to cope with than a stillbirth or neonatal death. The truth is that her baby has just died, and it doesn't really matter how pregnant she was. Don't be anxious or embarrassed about making her cry. It is not what you said or did that upset her, but losing the baby. By allowing her to cry, you are helping her work through the process... more

All right, this really doesn't have anything to do with fertility, but for those of you who may be considering adoption or ultimately when we are all parents, this blog is very timely and very interesting. I've spent all morning reading through it and I am extremely impressed with the writing and the variety of topics and writers. In addition to posting about this blog here, I am forwarding it to all of my family and friends in my address book and letting my agency's listserv group know about it as well. www.antiracistparent.com

Here... more

These ideas are from www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz

Things to do

~Contact is important. Be there if possible, but if not, ring or write. Whatever the person is feeling, they deserve to have their feelings supported by people around them. ~A hug or arm around her shoulders is comforting. ~Understand that her tears are a healthy response and should never be discouraged. Having a box of tissues handy is helpful. ~Let her do the talking. Be the passive partner who asks questions... more

Now this is an article right up my alley. Two of my passions in life that go side by side in this instance. Of course, it grabbed my eye as soon as I signed on this morning.

In an article from styledash.com they explore the link between a woman's fertility and her fashion choices. This is interesting!

What science says about your closet A new study suggests that women tend to dress to impress when they are at their most fertile. By following... more

I have been lucky or unlucky enough (you can think of it either way) to have experienced both sides of this coin. The woman that I am writing about today is not the same woman as yesterday. Yesterday I reprinted the first part of my letter, and now here is the second. Thank you so much to you know who you are for writing to me. Everyone seems to really get into this topic and has much to share.

Now, on the flip side. While I was pregnant with my daughter, one of my > best friends lost her son. Our due dates were close as well, only a couple of weeks apart. Again, it > was very uncomfortable. First off, no one wanted to tell me, due to my > history... more

A few weeks ago I received a letter through the network, asking about a very awkward situation. This gal is such a sweetie. She and her best friend were both pregnant at the same time. Her friend has recently lost her pregnancy and now the still pregnant friend is wondering the best way to support her grieving friend. Wow! I am very humbled to see how thoughtful this woman is trying to be. A true friend. I will be posting parts of my response here this week, and also some other resources as well. I'm also opening up the lines for anyone who has been on either... more

I was thinking about money today. I am still amazed that we were able to adopt Becken without using our credit cards to help with the cost. Of course, if I really think back, it took us around 5 years to save up even half of the amount, knowing that at some point, we would beging the process. We had hoped to save the full amount before applying, but it turns out that we applied when we had about half of it. Lots of help from family and friends helped us make our goal, and believe you me, I was not shy about asking for help either.

My mind then took me to wonder about the financing of fertility treatments. My first fit from google sent me again to www.about.com.... more

And the final part of the article from www.msnbc.msn.com :

Three years later, on Sept. 14, 2000, Kalenda served as surrogate again to the Adziches, this time delivering twins -- Anika Stephanie, a girl, and Dominick, a boy.

The gift of life Today, the Adzich children, now ages 6 and 9, call Kalenda their "fairy godmother." Kathy sends Kalenda flowers or other gifts on her children's birthdays.

"Stephanie has been spectacular through this entire process. It’s very important to her that we have our own family unit and it’s important to her that she has her own family unit," Kathy said.

The emotional journey... more

Continued article from www.msnbc.msn.com :

Saying goodbye again During her third pregnancy, doctors sewed her cervix shut and confined her to bed rest in order to prevent premature labor. When she started having contractions at 19 or 20 weeks, she was hospitalized and prescribed drugs to stave off labor. After about a month, on June 15, 1996, Kathy gave birth to a boy the couple named Jakob.

But Jakob’s lungs were too underdeveloped, and the baby died in her arms a few weeks later.

Staff at the hospital in Santa Clara allowed Kathy to spend two days with the dead baby in a hospital room while she grieved –- a... more