I remind myself of the things living and breathing around me and that they are good. And I remind myself of something my mother told me, which she had recently learned from her rabbi. He told her that in Jewish tradition, the cultural tradition of my family, it is discouraged for a woman who has had miscarriages to think of her children's lives as being shortened by death. In fact, he added, a woman who has lost a child in pregnancy is considered to be extrememly wise. For inside of herself she has contained the very circle of life.

Wow. Instead of being weird, an outcast, or unnatural, the woman who miscarries is considered wise. This is a concept that... more

Yesterday was a crazy day for us all. As I have written before, Fridays are my busiest days and also the most likely day for Chris to work from 430am until at least 5. Yesterday was no different and we both worked very full days. When I picked up the kids from day care, I told Ivy, "Let's go to tacos tonight." She thought about it for a second and gave her affirmative vote, "Ummm, sure." Alright then.

Chris must have been on the same wavelength, because the first thing he said as he walked in the door was, "How about El Pastor for dinner?" We laughed... more

Here Be Hippogriffs Another introduction that I got from going along on Ayun's virtual book tour for MLDD. I am now reading about Julia's new pregnancy and waiting to find out the results as determined by the professional. She and her husband are truly trying to not be optimistic from what they saw on the scan, but as you know, you never know. They are in the midst of doing another IVF round. They also have a son named Patrick, who is a doll and great fun to read about his antics as a child.

Going through her archives, I got back all the way through January 2004! Can you imagine? Blogging so consistently and so well for... more

(A better image is located at the end of the post)

I'm not sure how specific I can get in sharing my parents' story about their stillborn daughter, my older sister, 36 years ago. I know that I did get permission from my mother to post this copy of her memorial grave marker to you all.

I was leaving one job, driving to another job on Monday when my mom and I passed each other on the road. We both pulled over, and she walked to my car window and said, "Look at what we are doing for your dad's birthday." (The "we" meaning all of us.) In her... more

Continuing with the short story, "Other Women" by Kate Bernheimer, here is another quote that got my attention:

Of course , people are different, and we have different problems dealing with things like birth and death, love and loss. And certainly most fertile Americans don't grieve much for other people's children lost in utero. (Some other countries do have rituals for grieving; most famously, in Korea ther is a heaily visited shrine for unborn children.) Neither Anne nor Laura sent me flowers, or even a card, to commemorate my losses, and it's not the lack of flowers that troubles me, it's not so much what they didn't do but what we don't acknowledge, we deathless... more

The last few weeks I have been having troubles sleeping and troubles with controlling my grief about my dad. I had a counselor tell me once that with each new grief, we relive past grief as well. In mourning now, with legal battles unresolved about estate issues, I feel mired in loss. With more hurt and sadness than I ever thought possible from people that my dad trusted and loved. I was at my wit's end on what else to do to try to work through this. And then I remembered Belleruth.

Belleruth Naparstek has a website called www.healthjourneys.com. She offers a variety of products, but is well known for her guided imagery. I have bought... more

I am reading a collaborative book called, The Friend Who Got Away edited by Jenny Offill & Elissa Schappell. Inside this book of true stories by women they share their experiences about changed and lost relationships with others. One story titled, "Other Women" by Kate Bernheimer discusses changing relationships in regards to miscarriages, problem pregnancies, and normal births.

I didn't have any way of relating to the story line regarding the evolving friendships between the three women, as my miscarriage experience strengthened my friendships,... more

Last night we celebrated the birthdays of my Nana and my aunt. Nana has always been "29" every 35 of my years on earth. The only thing that I remember about my aunt's birthday is that she is younger than my mom. She doesn't let her forget it. One's birthday is Aug. 2, the other is Aug.10th.

We met for dinner at a seafood restaurant in town. I think that half of us ordered prime rib, but it was wonderful. One of the most enjoyable aspects of the dinner began with the invitation, "No kids"! This allowed Chris and I to actually be able to enjoy our meals and be able to afford to go to the party in the first place. We had just planned on me going, but were able to get sitters at... more

During and after my miscarriages, I often wondered what Chris was thinking or feeling. I was the one that was either totally silent or raging with tears and sobs. He was by my side and helpful, but very quiet and not really reserved, but normal. I kept questioning how this could be since we had both lost something that was so dear to us. Although I had went through the physical losses, he was there at every doctor and surgery appointment and actually was in the room when I went through one of my D&Cs. How could we be on such opposite pages? As a matter of fact, we were in separate books altogether.

Weighing in on this subject, I found an article on About.com that addresses this... more

I have friends that are poets. They are published, award-winning, and talented. They meet often to hone their craft and to write. Their words are amazing and the emotions that their poems bring to their readers runs deep. I also write poetry, I am not published or award-winning and I honestly believe that at this time it should stay that way. I do love to read poetry, hopefully the poems do not rhyme as they are not my taste.

After Ivy was born I was looking for a creative outlet that allowed me to express myself in a quick and concise manner. Any... more